When I refer to the “ego”, I am not referring to the personality of an individual, nor to the definition of ego as meaning self-importance, self-esteem, vanity, or being self-centered. I use this term to refer specifically to a complex within each one of us where intense emotions and beliefs pressure us mentally and emotionally leading to a distortion of our behavior and self-image that is incongruent and conflicting with the natural expression of our genuine self.
I have heard other names for this aspect of ourselves, such as the shadow self, or the false self. I simply call it the ego, which are the aspects of our behavior and belief within us which contradict our true nature. This other aspect of ourselves can be called any number of names, from our spiritual nature, to our true self, genuine self, highest potential, or in some cases our higher self. These are all terms that I use to distinguish the ego from who we really are, which all have a fairly similar meaning to me.
What is The Ego?
Each and every one of us are dictated by a complex of habits and behaviors, qualities of character, traits of personality, conditioned emotional responses, talents and abilities, as well as learned or intrinsic ways of thinking, feeling, and ultimately perceiving and engaging with the world in our day-to-day lives. We each possess these traits and qualities in a unique and incredibly intricate array, balance, and synthesis, which directly define the nature and quality of the unique expression of who we are. However, they only define the nature and quality of the expression of who we are, not who we are.
We are not the sum of these parts. What I have found through much discipline and training is that we are unique and developed beings already when we are born. We were not born as blank slates. When we explore and discipline ourselves through internal and introspective practices, such as meditation, which lead to internal silence and an experience of ourselves as unadulterated awareness, what occurs is surprising and completely unpredictable: we discover a total being, an identity, and parts of ourselves which we didn’t know were there. This ‘identity’, this being that we discover, was not shaped and formed by our life experiences. Quite the contrary, our life experiences to some degree have shaped and formed the mask which occludes our true self. And we discover this part of ourselves by gradually peeling away the layers, chipping away at our false identities and limited self-image revealing this being in its totality and glory by degrees. This mask is what I call the ego.
This is not to say that our life experiences do not shape and define us, because they certainly do. My life experiences have taught me a great deal, and solidified my sense of purpose and my life’s work this time around because of what I have seen, and because of what my intrinsic nature requires of me that I do. Yet none of my life experiences have defined my passions, inclinations, talents, or my natural modes and arts for expressing myself, because these are intrinsic to me and I have carried them with me and cultivated them from lifetime to lifetime.
My experiences have given me knowledge, understanding, and challenges which have tempered parts of who I am, distorted my perception and expression of others, but also taught me to change and grow in the ways that I have needed to. Regardless of our successes or failures, limitations or strengths, suffering or jubilation, dreams and desires, and certainly in spite of what religion you practice, what your political views are, where you were born, where your ancestors came from, what mark you got on your history exam, what your sexual orientation or gender identity happens to be – you are a being distinct from and not dictated by these superficial classifiers, qualifiers, and descriptors.
Those are all external, transient, and in some cases learned things which people often classify themselves with and derive a sense of identity from. Yet they are mostly patterns of thinking, feeling, and behaving which we have built up over our lifetimes, which ultimately do either two things: they cultivate, reveal, express, thus liberate, who we truly are; or they result in us falsely identifying and defining ourselves leading to a suppression, contortion, and masking of an expression of our true nature. Yet in neither case are they intrinsically who we are. Therefore, the patterns, beliefs, and behaviors which suppress and mask the true expression of who we are is what the ego is.
We are the beings beneath all of these layers that have been built up through our lives, and each one of us is far more than what we have realized ourselves to be. Understanding and being able to discern between the ego from the part of us beneath these superficial trappings is the first step towards choosing to consciously focus on, discover, and cultivate a deeper expression of our intrinsic, unlimited, spiritual nature. This is the only path that leads to fulfillment, because fulfillment is the result of us expressing all of what we are. Only then will our nature be satisfied.
The Birth Of The Ego
Since the beginning of our lives, we have been absorbing information. We have been absorbing knowledge, words, phrases, patterns of speech, habits, beliefs, cultural traits, traditions, conversational skills, social tactics, ingrained ideas of social hierarchy and subsequent behavior, cultural and racial prejudices, patterns of emotion and emotional responses, movements and body language – all of which mirrors that of our parents, siblings, close friends, teachers, the values of our culture, people we see on TV, really anyone that we admire and/or spend a lot of time with, all with little to no conscious thought, or any recognition that we are doing so. All of this we have absorbed, internalized, and amalgamated throughout our lives into how we see the world, and into processes and patterns of behavior, emotion, and interaction with others and the world.
This is how the ego was born. You could say that in some ways the ego is the amalgamation of all of this information and how our experiences have altered our beliefs, self-image, and behavior. But that is not our true identity, our true self. The trauma of suffering, pain and failure impacted our ‘personality’ and self-image just as much as our successes and triumphs did. For this reason our ego can form as a response to this pain and suffering and in order to protect ourselves from it, but with the detriment of suppressing our natural behavior and being with learned behavior in response to this pain.
Everyone has experiences in their lifetime which have caused sufficiently intense emotional and mental pain as to distort our behavior so that we can avoid situations like that in the future, so that we can avoid that pain. However, that pain is masking a natural and true expression of ourselves, and by avoiding it, we are just reinforcing the suppression of ourselves, and also perpetuating our suffering.
We have each learned to contort and suppress ourselves on such deep levels and for so long that now these areas are so difficult to see because this pain and this behavior of suppression has come to feel natural to us after all these years. The majority of us are not aware of it, and are severely suffering because of it, even if you are successful, even if you are wealthy. We all experience this to some degree, and the markers of individuals who have resolved these issues to some degree are not wealth, power, success, or recognition, but happiness, peace, fulfillment, and satisfaction.
The only way to resolve these behaviors consciously is to engage in practices like meditation and yoga which cultivate mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual intimacy with ourselves which eventually over time takes us to depths were these blockages are thrown into stark relief and thus revealed. However they are revealed as we move into these depths by the light of our true nature – new ways of feeling and levels of emotion, new ways of thinking, new ways of expressing ourselves, our talents and abilities – which contrast our learned behavioral patterns of the ego. This cycle of discovery of a new facet of our being, which throws the distortion of our ego into stark relief, and then our subsequent commitment and choice act on this more powerful and true liberated part of ourselves, perpetuate in a cycle where we release these emotions over time and thus our learned behaviors of suppression, dissolving the ego. Essentially, we must face the pain so that we can find the light within it, unravel and amplify the light to release the pain.
Due to this suppression of ourselves we develop behaviors to alleviate the pressure of the resultant build up of emotion and energy culminating in certain negative behaviors. The most widespread example is addiction in all its forms, and it is commonly thought that the problem is the addiction itself, as opposed to the complex of powerful, painful emotions and behaviors which suppress the genuine nature fundamentally resulting in a build up of pressure that only substance or addictive behavior can temporarily alleviate. I do not believe that these issues are often addressed properly with actual practices and techniques that resolve the issues deeply within the very core of the being based on a path of self-discovery leading towards a healthy, balanced, and brilliant expression of themselves. The best way for an individual to alleviate this suffering is to shatter the limited, broken, and vile self-image the individual carries within them with a genuine experience of the brilliance of who they are actually. [I will write on this soon, and link here.]
Our experiences along with the information and traits we have absorbed affect our behavior in a myriad of ways. From whether we are filled with anxiety and a short temper when learning new things, or whether we are calm, confident, and patient. These behaviors also influence everything from how we respond to and deal with change, challenges, relationships, being vulnerable, honest, intimate and open with other human beings, to how we respond to defeat, failure, fear, loss, pain, and all forms of adversity, pure and simple.
Our experiences and our self-image derived from those experiences influences our behaviour and emotions on all levels. However, while each one of those things influence how we are and how we express ourselves in truly powerful yet subtle ways, which could be either incredibly detrimental or liberating, all of these things may or may not be compatible with our true self and how we would naturally be. Yet all of this information has had a large influence in the shaping of our perception of our identity, our self-image, our ego.
However, our self-images and egos are by their very nature limited and false representations of who we truly are. With all of this lifetime’s worth of information cluttering up our minds it is impossible to get a clear and accurate perception of who we are, let alone the world. Everything that we have learned, everything that we have been taught – and told – to believe about ourselves and the world, where did it come from? For this information clutters and distorts our perception of everything. This was the birth of the ego, and it begins occurring since the very moment that we opened eyes. For we took in everything, and we still do.
This is not good or bad – it is simply how human beings learn. There is nothing wrong with this ability humans possess to absorb information, for it truly is incredible and is our greatest strength as a species underlying our superb ability to adapt to any environment, survive, learn, grow, and evolve. It is a human quality which can be harnessed by an individual to achieve great things intellectually, creatively, professionally, and in every theater of their lives.
However, it is important that we understand that we have a choice in the matter, which is what separates us as a species. We are part of nature, but we have the ability to grow consciously to change ourselves and our lives. We can choose to look within us, and unravel what is erroneous behavior and thinking born of trauma or societal and parental programming – ego – and what is Spirit, what is our true self. From there we can decide consciously how to change our own behavior to more accurately represent who we have discovered ourselves to be. We do not need to be unconsciously plagued by behaviors we internalized in youth and over our lives, which are detrimental to our lives and to ourselves.
Liberating Spirit From Ego :: Beneath Our Personality
I feel that we have, collectively to some degree, a certain unstated perception or belief that we are who we are, for better or worse, and that we now possess strengths, weaknesses, and a personality which is now fixed and cannot be changed.
This is an incorrect conclusion drawn from the erroneous assumption that we have any great understanding of who and what we are, because we really don’t. Those of us who have disciplined themselves over years of pain, adversity, and suffering to face themselves, unravel the mysteries of their nature, and extricate their true selves from the confines of the ego will affirm that they are more of a mystery to themselves now than ever before, but that they revel in ecstasy every day at the beauty, potential, exhilaration and wonder of this specific mystery.
It is important to recognize how our relationship to ourselves, what we know of our true talents, abilities, voice, self-expression, and nature, is at least potentially stunted, because in all probability, due to the very nature our society and its systems (such as education) our natural self is a muscle we have partially – or never – used.
Even with that being the case, the whole process itself is one of lifelong refinement of the ego to better represent who we truly are, which in itself is a moving target because our understanding is always being refined the more that we learn, discover, know, and understand. The whole process of spiritual (and personal) development, mastery, and evolution is founded on this perpetual process of refining our ego so that we may realize and liberate a deeper, truer, and fuller expression of who we are in our lives.
As we change the nature of our thoughts, habits and behaviors, we do not change them to ‘change who we are’, but to better express who we are. The ego within us is the complex of our limiting behaviors and beliefs, all of which culminate in a self-image that is in some ways false, incomplete, and limiting. Therefore our ego can be defined as all of those things that we need to change in order to liberate our natural self, and become unhindered in the expression of who we actually are. Yet even once we have liberated ourselves from our limited self-image to some degree, we still have an ego, that limited identity, because at all stages as our awareness of our true potential expands and changes we will continue to discover ways in which to refine ourselves to more completely express our highest nature, genuine self, and Spirit in all that we do and are.
In short, there is so much that we do not know and understand about ourselves, so much more to discover. It is our ego which is the embodiment of a self-image that perpetuates a tiny, limited, ugly, distorted, and impure, fraction of who we truly are. Yet each stage along the path reveals a little more of our suffering and the areas in which we have room for improvement where we have allowed the insecurity our ego was born from to occlude our divine nature, revealing little by little the true power, beauty, and mystery of a human being. We do not know the full extent of what we are. We never can. But we can choose consciously the path that will set on us on this journey of discovery and expression, from lifetime to lifetime, of our infinite nature.
“Life is [Universal Awareness] in action. And it is only through lack of the understanding of applied thought and feeling that mankind is constantly interrupting the pure flow of that perfect essence of life which would without interference naturally express its perfection everywhere.” – St. Germain
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