The Courage To Sing (and Be Heard)
There is true power in the Courage To Sing (and Be Heard). Especially when we know that we will be judged for our mistakes and limitations, and compared against others. Ground to dust in the public opinion, crucified on the cross of our song, standing small next to giants.
Yet this does not change the power found in singing our song anyways.
One thing I have learned is that it doesn’t matter how small of a voice we might have, to raise it into a song is still the only choice we have. Forging a destiny for ourselves, as we seek peace in crafting a life all our own.
My dreams have been truly great. So bright, and vast. Yet in all of my pursuit, in my heart it became clear that what I truly desire is small, humble. No different than the desires of any other person.
A home, a partner, a friend. Food on the table. Land for my dogs. Animals. A way to make money that I enjoy enough to sustain. Maybe a little extra to escape on the weekends on solitary adventures.
Whatever else I hope to accomplish, my grandiose ambitions, are nothing without these simple desires of my heart. And I need the courage to sing — to stand for what I am trying to create — amidst all the hate. In spite of what the world brings my way.
A Battered Sail In The Wind
I feel like a sail torn to pieces by the perceptions of others, pierced by flaming arrows shot by a society to which I am a pariah, until I am tattered rags in the wind. As much as a dislike to admit it, I am sure now that I fear this judgement. There is a part of me that would rather keep myself a secret, a beautiful jewel untainted by the grimy hands of the world.
A diamond that only I know. That is precious to me. That is all mine. I am afraid to be wrong, and so I seek perfection. I sought for words that cannot be questioned, facts that cannot be refuted, power such that none can hurt me, and skills that cannot be diminished by the critics.
But therein lies my mistake:
The critics will criticize — that is what they do. You can never create something that is bulletproof, nor become someone that cannot be faulted, by someone, somewhere. True invulnerability might be found in embracing the imperfections, and being what you are anyways.
There is no real courage, when you can bring something forwards that you know is great. Courage is found precisely in that uncertainty. True bravery is found in facing death — knowing without question that success is but a chance, and death all but certain — yet acting anyways.
The bravery of tattered sail, to still try and catch the wind, complete cognizance of the fact that the sail might break and strand you countless miles from safe harbour. This is the courage to sing.
Know Your Worth, Believe Your Value
Even if everybody hates you, they cannot diminish your value (forever) when you know what you are worth. They will try. (Oh god, will they try.) They will get close to succeeding. But you cannot let them.
You cannot allow them to steal your voice from you.
Even in the darkest night, your voice can resound like a light. The courage to take a step forwards, and to continue moving in spite of your battered body, wounded heart, and fractured mind. I like to thing that somewhere in the infinite universe, that there are beings that revel in just this courage.
That when an ordinary person fights their demons in the dark, unknown, choosing to stand on shaking legs rather than lay down to die, that this is the greatest light of all. A light brighter than all the money, wealth, and fame in the world. A light of such intensity, that it is of the spirit.
I know now, that all challenges are relative. One man might have this light in intensity to move mountains, while another might have enough to raise themselves from the dead, climbing from the hole they are in. But now I can see clearly, that the power required to raise oneself from the pit, can easily be greater than the power another wields for the whole world to see.